Upleveling your standards
Have you ever heard the saying “how you do one thing is how you do everything?” This phrase may sound simplistic, and, most truths are actually simple. In this case, you can think of it like this: the way you approach one task or situation reflects how you approach everything else in your life.
Simple, not easy. Also – both intimidating, and freeing, at the same time.
It’s a thought that I’ve been sitting with over the last few weeks. It’s got me pondering questions like “What type of effort am I putting into my life, my work, my relationships?” and looking at the results that are showing up in my life. That’s where my answers lay. It’s true that the way I approach one area of my life will be an indication of how I approach others – it will also be what shows up in my life.
I’ve chosen to suspend judgment and get curious. Come with me.
I recently had a friend show up late to three of our meetings together. This was completely out of character for her so rather than taking it personally, or making an assumption, I simply asked her if everything was ok in her life and if we (she and I) were ok.
Layer 1: my choice – suspend judgment and get curious (see a theme?), look at where I’m showing up late to myself, to others, to my commitments. Hold compassion for her AND for me.
I would have done this differently in the past. I would not have look at myself at all. I also would have gotten passive aggressive with her believing all kinds of stories about why she was late (she doesn’t respect me or my time, it’s offensive, she doesn’t want to work together anymore, I deserve better, etc.)
When I flipped it and chose a new way of addressing the situation, I noticed that space opened up. The ongoing chatter in my head mostly disappeared and I was kinder to myself, my husband and my co-workers. How I interacted with her bled over into how I interacted with me, and everyone around me.
Layer 2: talking to her from a place of non-judgement and non-attachment
When I talked to her, I very simply mentioned that I noticed a pattern of lateness, that it was not like her, and asked if there was something that we needed to address together – a different meeting time, changing our agreement, working together less (or differently).
The impact was striking, she was so grateful that I’d come to her with curiosity and kindness instead of judgment and anger, which led to a deeper conversation and several realizations on both sides.
What is your small moment?
Something small = monumental change. Some unusual behavior on the part of a friend became an opportunity to see a personal bigger pattern, create a better relationship with my friend and completely shift the future of how we work together.
What if you were to take some time this week to be present to your life? To find the magic of one small thing that might shift your entire trajectory? Would you be interested in that?
You might already know what the pattern is in your life, or you might find yourself on a treasure hunt! Here are a few questions that could help:
Do you find yourself repeatedly apologizing for the same thing in different places in your life (sorry I’m late – work, picking up the kids, dinner, etc)?
Is someone (or more than one person) in your life regularly exhiibting a behavior around you (being stand off-ish, constantly correcting, not listening, etc.)?
Both of these are beuatiful treasure hunts and will show you lots of great clues. Remember – you’re being CURIOUS, not judgmental! Take some notes throughout the week and JUST notice what you notice. It’s not about fixing anything, it’s a discovery process.
The Turning Point
The first step (and often the only step) in changing behaviors and patterns is noticing them. Noticing gives you the power. It puts you in the drivers seat. Often that’s all we need. If you don’t know, you can’t do anything, once you know, you’re in choice. Remember, when it feels challenging or daunting to shift your perspective, take a moment and get curious. Recognizing your patterns not only makes change possible, it makes it easier.
Ultimately, the idea that “how you do one thing is how you do everything” is a powerful reminder that our actions are interconnected. The way we approach one task can influence how we approach other tasks, and even how we view ourselves. By being mindful of our patterns of behavior and making small changes, we can begin to make shift happen!
If you enjoyed this blog post and want to explore soulful leadership and upleveling your standards on a deeper level, be sure to download My Ultimate Guide to Spinning Life in Your Favor and subscribe to my newsletter where I send one email per month to help you make shift happen.